troubled..

Lately things have been in a mess for me..am wondering why has it turn out this way? and why do i keep doing things wrongly? things haven't been in my favor and it's getting really stressful and depressing..it's not just work..but also other aspects of my life..death of a close friend, being lectured by dad always, being lonely with frens being too busy and bf who has been mad at me and avoiding me most of the time lately cuz of the things i do and say to him that makes him fed up of being with me..i'm in a hermit mood because of all these and at times i really feel like shutting the whole world out..i'm not close with my siblings or parents to talk abt any of my personal issues..the only comfort i get these days are from work tho work is stressful..by that..i mean that it's the kids who tend to make me feel better in a way..i hate office politics as well..somehow i ended up being the middle person between all the politics at my workplace..between new staff and the boss..and also between staffs..but there are several kids who tend to make me feel better..kids can be so innocent at times..the way they look at us teachers and the things they say..and the way they expect us to know everything just because we're there to teach a little..but i guess i failed them in a way that i tend to be impatient when i'm overly stressed and perhaps talked in a sarcastic way to some of them..at the end of the day, when i realize how mean i was..it would be too late..but i guess this work taught me how to be a little more patient and changed my opinions abt kids..i used to dislike being around kids since some tend to get annoying and hyperactive and noisy and naughty esp those below 10 year old..i mean, i love babies..but once they grow past the toddler stage then i would dislike their antics and hence dislike kids in general..but working around kids over the past 3 months changed me in a way that i like being around kids (well..not all though..i honestly can't stand a few kids in my section no matter how hard i try to like them)..and having a few hyperactive kids and down syndrome kids really trained me how to deal with these group of kids properly and be patient..and to know that they are smart in their own ways, as well as how they express they liking to people (or us teachers in the matter) with affectionate displays of hugs and holding our hands..these kids..just because they are different from the normal kids, it doesn't mean that they are unaware of what we say or do..it may appear as if they are not listening or looking at us, but the fact is that they know clearly what we say and the meaning behind our actions..i would refer to them as the "handle with care" group..i wish i haven't done anything for any of my kids to hate me as a teacher..it would really suck to know if my impatience has hurt their feelings and made them hate me..