it lingers on..

"The falling flower petals
The dew flowing down my cheeks
We were looking up the view together
Yet now there's only I

I was afraid of remembering
I closed my heart to everyone
No matter how many times I erased it
It was always overflowing with you

I hoped to protect you forever
Even if I'm hurt
I wanted to be by your side
Closer than anyone else
The warmth of your embrace still lingers on
I won't forget no matter how long time has pass
I am still thinking of you"

dilemma

It's hard to choose when life is offering you so much..
It's even challenging when what life offered seems all so welcoming to you..
Sometimes you would want to be greedy and take them all..
Then you hesitate because you know you can't take them all and treat all equally good..
There always have to be some sacrifices..
You are only one person and can't do everything perfect at the same time..

I am still prioritizing..
I must not let sudden attractions affect my judgement..
I must not just look at the surface, but deep down..
I must know what i really want..

the 3 significant ppl

A friend once told me:
In your life there will be 3 significant persons;

The one who loves you most,
The one whom you love most,
And the one whom you will get married to..

Rarely, these 3 persons will be the same person..That's life..If you ever have 3 of them who are of the same person, treasure that rare precious destiny..

had to drive my manager to banting for an appointment with a client on a SUNDAY..my poor car..i just washed and pumped in the petrol..ugh..the client is terrible in giving directions when they stayed there for dunno how long..once in awhile..hopefully not often..clients are as troublesome as these..

example:
me: there's a mosque on the in front of the traffic light..which road do i take?
client: erm..got mosque MEH? i nvr see a mosque around before..
me: yeah..the first traffic light after dong zen temple right in front of the mosque there..
client: oh..the traffic light ah..turn left and drive straight til u see a school la..
me: *faints* (wondering how can he not know there was a very large mosque ard his place)

(5 min later)
me: i'm at the traffic light next to a school on my right, where do i turn?
client: you turn left to the direction where the school is..
me: har..but the school is on my right..
client: oh..like that ar..u turn right la.. <-- (blur case)
me: ...................=.=" oh.."thank you".. *frustrated*

They say, no point fighting a battle when you know you would nvr win from the start..i dunno why i tried when i subconciously knew from the start that i was gonna lose..i truly dunno why i place myself in such situations and end up hurt..

thinking of changing my whole blog..from the layouts to the contents..if i do so..should i just delete everything in this one and start over or just start a new site instead? either ways..am too tired for now..and feeling horribly sick from the food i had at williams..note to self: when i go williams again next time..make sure i do not order anything other than garlic bread and drinks..everything else suck now..

My newfound interest in GLEE

I've been watching Glee recently during my cny break..seriously i've nvr expected it to be good..but the performances and singing were much better than those of the original..well..that's how i find it..and the guys are really amazing in there..their looks, dancing and singing..finally..there's a musical i truly like..

and this is why: (take a look)

If a person has an experience that is physically, mentally or emotionally traumatic, the mind deals with the situation in one of several different ways..Some people abuse alcohol, food, drugs or other substances to numb the feelings they have inside..Others mourn for a short period of time, restore their faith, balance and sanity, and somehow miraculously move on..But the rest of us left over, usually those who are very analytical and logical, have trouble processing deeply troubling situations..So we replay the painful situation over and over again in our minds, searching for an answer..But the problem is, the answer cannot be found in the rational mind, because the problem is on an emotional plain..Therefore, the solution has to come from the heart, which needs to be healed and restored..At which, i have failed to do so..

People say you only live once..but ppl are wrong abt that as they are everything..

The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable..When you love some1, you open yourself up to suffering..that's the sad truth..maybe they'll break your heart..maybe you'll break theirs and nvr be able to look at yourself in the same way..Those are the risks..That's the burden..

Like wings, they have weight..we feel that weight on our backs..but they are a burden that lifts us..burden that allows us to fly..

wish i was dead..

i feel as though i do not belong in this world..as though i shud not have even existed in the 1st place..i'm alone and i have nobody who truly cares abt me..and at times..i wished i could die in my sleep..

just attended my cousin's wedding today at tropicana..cousin vincent and his pretty wife..met my relatives and it was a 9 course dinner..so yea..i feel awfully fat..the best part of the weddign was..there was no aunties/uncles who went up the stage to sing..instead..they hired proper wedding singers to sing..and somehow the songs they sung tonite kept reminding me of my ex..and the worse part of the wedding was..every1 was asking abt my relationship status n comparing it to my counsins..my mum even asked my cousins to introduce some nice and successful guys to me..i felt like a sad case..and later on..the counsins and uncles tried to get me and my other counsin sis drunk..and we passed their test..tho my cousin sis was completely red and i managed to kept concious and converse properly while being drunk..mum even encouraged me to drink with them..so much help from her..ish..

ramblings

Let's give a round of applause,
for your elaborate performance,
when the curtains rolled up,
so theatrical for the world to see.

Let's give toast,
to the times you made me bled,
when you held a knife to my heart,
twisting it inside and around.

Let's give a smile,
to past memories,
the journey we thought we could have had,
and all that could have been.

Let's give one last cry,
for what we want,
but can never have,
cause we're too fragile.

Let's take a bow,
the show has ended,
just the two of us and no one else watching,
before we take off, heading separate ways..

congrats to my high school friends felix and yen li on your marriage..

http://www.facebook.com/video/?ref=sb#/video/video.php?v=257303377568

When everything you hold with your heart feels like its slipping away from you because of your mistake, what do you do?
Clutch at the straws and try your damnest not to let go of the best you ever had?
Or let go, because you know it deserves better?
I don't know, because maybe its never for us to decide,
like it wasn't for us to decide the path of our life.

Work has been hectic the past 2 weeks..tho i'm ok with the jobs..but i generally dun like the contract..cuz i feel bounded to them since i'm not allowed to leave during my 1 month probation else my salary will all go to the job agency that brought me in..then after my probation, i'm not allowed to leave until the semester ends with 2 months notification..

secondly..i dun see a job prospect in what i'm doin..

third..it's getting boring to me..i know i just started..but i'm teaching a subject i dun really like that much when initially i was offered to do biology as i wanted..now i'm doing chemistry n i hate studying things that i cant get familiar with..worse still when i was asked by the senior lecturer to prep all the lecture slides and tutorial sets for foundation year, lab protocols and chemical list, exam questions and i have to take over the whole O levels batch n plan the syllabus..as well as to work in edu fair and invigilate exams..i feel over-exploited !!

fourth..i'm trap between all the politics going on..like ppl are trying to pull me to their side n go against the other..but i do have colleagues that i can get along with..so it makes things better in a way..

and also..the salary..if they don't review my salary after the probation period then i'll send in a resignation letter by march n work til june..if the pay gets better then i'll stay til end of the year..after all..i took a peek into the documents for other employees while i was working in my senior lecturer's room when i started n i know how much every1 earns..so if ppl are doing something like i'm doing..so why shud i be paid lower than them? therefore..with my salary..i intend to do things at my pace n my wish..at the same time, i'll be careful with what i do..so if u sack me without a proper reason then i'll sue you !! that's why i got some1 to review the whole contract for me to check for loopholes before i signed it..this way i know what to adhere to and how far i can go before crossing the line..

well..other than that i'm pretty satisfied with my job =)