i'm sorry for everything

i guess i screwed up everything..and lost everything..even some1 who was worth more than anything in the world to me..for me, friends come and go all the time as it has always been..only few stayed and cared..even so, i rarely shared any of my thoughts and problems with anyone cuz i'm afraid of losing these few people and what they would think of me..i've always been detached to friends esp when i have problems..but the friend i've lost, well..he was always there for me even when i didn't want to get him involved in my troubles..it's not because he is nothing to me..but because i could not afford to lose him as a friend when he was the only one i could really talk to when i need some1 to share my thoughts with..but to him, i was stubborn and he just can't seem to tolerate me..he's angry at me for not letting him help me..and he's angry at me for alot more reasons..but it's not that i don't want him to help me out..who is dumb enuf to reject their friends help if the situation permits it? but for mine, i had no choice but to face it by myself..not because i don't need him to help me..but because i can't afford to lose more than i already have..each and everytime it hurts so much til the point where i feel so numbed..