my 23rd year on earth..

I'm officially 23..hmm..somehow i feel so much older than that..for awhile i really thought i was supposed to be 24 this yr..i don't know why i lost track of my own age..not that i've been in this world for that long rite..while being confused, my boyfie confused me further by convincing me that my age was 24 this yr..followed by a miscalculation leading me to believe that i'm 24 for a few hours til i started calculating with my fingers again and asking my family members of my age >.< overall i've had one of the best b'days..not much of celebrating..but rather, spending time with my guy before he goes back home for 3 weeks was how i wanted to spend my day..he made my day special..thanks a bunch honey =) lately i've not been a good friend since i was always busy and not keeping in touch much with my friends..i'm so sorry guys..i do feel terribly guilty over it..and so i expected a quiet b'day this yr but being spammed by all the b'day messages on msn, fb and my hp from the start of 12am til the end of my b'day at 11.58pm the next day was awfully touching..Just when i thought it was over, i've received 2 bouquet of roses the next morn..



a pretty mixed bouquet from Xander, John, Marcus and Maxine..






this was from Wai Kien and Hui Teng..



and then..later that day, i've received a courier package from Melbourne with another rose inside..it was a soap carved red rose from lux soap..Thanks alot Kevin..at least this is one rose that will never wilt ^o^













Aww..aren't they precious? i love them so much..thanks a bunch guys =D

here and now

"Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change.."

Memories live only in the single moment from which they are born.
We cannot relive the moments in a memory.
We can only remember we once had them.
Which is why I am afraid..
I am afraid of receiving good things because someday i will lose them.
I am afraid of living good times because i will thereafter miss them.
I am afraid of happy moments because the sad ones last much longer.
I am afraid that it would hurt me so deeply til i can no longer find the courage to be strong and go through it.
Perhaps someday, a dream will come true
And prayers will be answered,
With all our wishes granted,
And someday, one day,
Good things will stay,
With me, with you..

more regrets and heartaches..

was surprised that an old acquantance of mine chatted me up on msn awhile ago..apparently he's working and staying in ss2 now..and more coincidentally, he's working at yi peng and yi mei's father's workplace..we used to be close frens abt 2-3 yrs ago..until we just stopped contacting each other as we got busy with our studies n relationships..i was even more surprised tht he's in alot of dilemma now with his gf, whom he planned to break up with and she's now pregnant..so i shared my experience with him and offered some advice..until he asked abt my current relationship..somehow..i started crying when i talked abt it..abt how stupid i was to listen to someone else's words and said things i didnt mean and more stupidity until my bf doesn't love me much anymore as he used to..when i think abt the past few months..i would say that it's the happiest i've ever been in the past few relationships..and i was dumb enuf to not realise how much i love this one person til i ruined things that may not be mendable..but who else is there to blame other than myself for being afraid of getting hurt til i listened to the other party and let myself have doubts just so that i can "prepare myself for the worst" and reduce the amount of pain that would come from it? i've had the most loving bf ever..until i lost that part of him..if only things could go back to how it was before when we were both happy and very much in love..back to my most cherished moments..

my mistakes

because of what i did, i've nearly lost what was precious to me..and this is something i have to deal with..along with the heartache and the fear of losing him completely..but to know that he's stil here for me although feelings have faded is both a comfort and a heartache..a comfort because he still sticks around after all that i've put him through..and a heartache because my mistakes have caused me to lose a big part of him..but to be given a chance to try make it work once more, it's the only thing i can place my hopes on..if only i could realised my mistakes long before yesterday..just so that i wouldn't have hurt him in a way that led us to where we are at this moment..but who is there to blame other than myself? But i guess the harder i try to make it work, the more distant he becomes and the sooner it would fail..and i'm not ready to accept this loss..i had something good for once in my life and i was stupid enuf to ruin things by being insecure and easily affected by the words of others..the worst part is knowing that what's lost may never return again and yet hoping for it to work out or waiting for it to fall apart completely..but at this point, i guess i finally realised what's important to me and only time can tell whether i could be forgiven for my mistakes and be loved again..

i've learnt that love is accepting things for the good of that person even if it hurts you, even if you fight it every once in awhile..when the simplest thing can turn into a lasting memory and knowing that no matter what happens between the two of you he will always be that special someone you hold in your heart for always..It's when you fall in love all over again just thinking abt him and remembering all the memories you have made with him..those memories lasts forever..you sit there thinking abt all the times u were side by side..it's when u can feel their presence when u close your eyes..but when u try to reach for them,you feel them slipping away..