dilemma

It's hard to choose when life is offering you so much..
It's even challenging when what life offered seems all so welcoming to you..
Sometimes you would want to be greedy and take them all..
Then you hesitate because you know you can't take them all and treat all equally good..
There always have to be some sacrifices..
You are only one person and can't do everything perfect at the same time..

I am still prioritizing..
I must not let sudden attractions affect my judgement..
I must not just look at the surface, but deep down..
I must know what i really want..

it's just one of those days..

ever felt that everything you do just isn't good enough? and everything you do just seems pointless and you don't know why you are doing it when it's a waste of time and effort? when what you do can't seem to change things for the better or bring back what was lost? when people around you seem disappointed at you cuz you could not perform up to their expectations? or even when people around you seem to look at you with that expression that you know they are looking down upon you? ever felt as though there is no one truly there for you or care about you when you need someone? and the person closest to you might just be the one that lets you down the most? ever felt so rejected until you just stop allowing yourself to get close to anyone so that no one could hurt that part of you that is vulnerable and no one could see you cry? ever felt that the once so familiar surrounding and the people have turned into something very foreign and distant? ever hide in a place to be alone just to cry because it hurts all the way from inside to the outside? well..i've had these moments lately..and it can be awfully tiring..there are times when i really just feel like letting go of everything, pack up, run away to somewhere new and start anew..and yet..i just can't let go and give up..

here and now

"Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change.."

Memories live only in the single moment from which they are born.
We cannot relive the moments in a memory.
We can only remember we once had them.
Which is why I am afraid..
I am afraid of receiving good things because someday i will lose them.
I am afraid of living good times because i will thereafter miss them.
I am afraid of happy moments because the sad ones last much longer.
I am afraid that it would hurt me so deeply til i can no longer find the courage to be strong and go through it.
Perhaps someday, a dream will come true
And prayers will be answered,
With all our wishes granted,
And someday, one day,
Good things will stay,
With me, with you..