the 3 significant ppl

A friend once told me:
In your life there will be 3 significant persons;

The one who loves you most,
The one whom you love most,
And the one whom you will get married to..

Rarely, these 3 persons will be the same person..That's life..If you ever have 3 of them who are of the same person, treasure that rare precious destiny..

Lesson learnt the hard way: You can't love without pain..

When you truly love someone, and u open up to that someone to let them get close to the most vulnerable side of you, you risk getting hurt and losing them..when it happens, the pain is so overwhelming and you feel as though you've broken up into a million pieces that cannot be repaired by any1 or anything we do to make ourselves feel better..and we promise not to let ourselves get hurt again or let anyone else get close to us that way..it may not be wise, but it does protect ourselves from going thru it again..it is the only way to continue with life..

vague dreams and hopes

It is a painful truth to know that what it seems like a fairy tale story,
Actually never exists..
All those "happily ever after" lines are just..vague in reality..
What seems to be like a bright shining star no longer shines as before..
The light is dimming..
And so are the chances..
And the much anticipated hope..
These are the things being told to me..As i listen, i could not agree more..
Will i really be fine again? I really wonder..

i'm sorry for everything

i guess i screwed up everything..and lost everything..even some1 who was worth more than anything in the world to me..for me, friends come and go all the time as it has always been..only few stayed and cared..even so, i rarely shared any of my thoughts and problems with anyone cuz i'm afraid of losing these few people and what they would think of me..i've always been detached to friends esp when i have problems..but the friend i've lost, well..he was always there for me even when i didn't want to get him involved in my troubles..it's not because he is nothing to me..but because i could not afford to lose him as a friend when he was the only one i could really talk to when i need some1 to share my thoughts with..but to him, i was stubborn and he just can't seem to tolerate me..he's angry at me for not letting him help me..and he's angry at me for alot more reasons..but it's not that i don't want him to help me out..who is dumb enuf to reject their friends help if the situation permits it? but for mine, i had no choice but to face it by myself..not because i don't need him to help me..but because i can't afford to lose more than i already have..each and everytime it hurts so much til the point where i feel so numbed..

when a change is needed

i was given a "talk" by one of my closest friend from earlier years who knows me well enough to tell me directly what she thinks of what i'm indirectly doing to myself and what i should do to get out of it all..she reminded me of who i used to be and what has changed me from that person to being a weak hopeless person as i am now..so she basically slap some sense into me and told me to give up the past of mine that has been holding me back from being what i could be..to give up the ppl who hurt me or used me for their own purposes..and i guess she's right..i'll just have to give up all of them..starting by cutting off all contacts and deleting them one by one from my life..so far..went through my fb and msn list and got rid of the whole group of ppl i've been mingling with wrongly..felt a sense of relief after that..in a way..as tho a burden has been lifted..but who else next? been trying to get myself to cut off some ppl..but..why does it ache inside? should i? could i? and would i? maybe after awhile more when it doesnt hurt..but then again..waiting til then might be a bad idea..

note to self: 34 weeks more..

when days are like this..

If there is such thing as Sorrow,
Then let me drown forever in mine,
For as sure as flowers grow,
My life has lost its sunshine.
If there is such thing as Pain,
Then I don't need any balm,
Not even more flicker of hope remain,
There's only this saddening sense of calm.
If there is such thing as Despair,
I will be its reigning king,
I think at times no one care,
For I am just an invisible being.
If there us such thing as Hope,
Then share some with my shattered heart,
There is a tightening around my noose rope,
Any comfort would be a good start.